Not how I left it

31 03 2009

Today was particularly rammed, not least because LadiesMan is on holiday (seeing a lady) and Overshare emailed in at 8am with slightly more detail than was necessary about the illness that is keeping him off work today.

I was therefore not especially thrilled to receive a ticket informing me that a printer in the Science department was “not working”. Partly because I hate printers in general, but mostly because I know which brand it is.

I was especially unhappy to arrive in front of the printer to find it was not in quite the same place as it was last time I saw it. Equipment mysteriously moving around rarely bodes well. I haven’t yet discovered who moved it, but I am possibly going to kill them when I do. Perhaps you can work out why from my report back to the person who raised the ticket:

“Dear Scientist,

Your printer was not working because it was switched off at the wall and all the cables had been unplugged from the back. Oh, and it had no paper in it.

Love and kisses,
AngryTechnician”





Procedure

30 03 2009

LadiesMan and I were having a discussion the other day about our frustration over people failing to follow seemingly simple instructions, when I had an epiphany and realised why we find it so irritating.

By their very nature, computers rely on procedure. A computer program is a set procedure. The computer follows the procedure, and does exactly what is asked of it. If this doesn’t achieve the intended goal, then it’s because the procedure is wrong.

As IT staff, our jobs revolve around the same sort of procedure. If we want the computer to do something, we follow a procedure in order to achieve it. Sometimes when there are unexpected problems, we have to discern the correct procedure, but the next time we have the same problem, we know what procedure to follow in order to fix it. The procedure is there for a reason. Not following it, or deviating from any part of it, will mean that the end goal will not be reached.

In this way, our jobs are an exact science. It may sometimes seem like working with computers involves a lot of luck, intuition, and voodoo, but that’s only because the underlying logic behind a problem is often not fully understood.

Most people’s jobs do not follow this rationale. Teaching, for example, is by no means an exact science (even teaching science). A teacher can (and often needs to) improvise and deviate from a lesson plan in order to effectively teach a particular class or individual student.

All of which brings us to the crux of the problem.

IT staff expect procedures to be followed.

Maybe our jobs make us that way; perhaps a person with that mindset is drawn to the job; maybe a little of both. Nonetheless, it is how we think, and for some of us, how we live. Even at home I have procedures. I have a particular order for doing the dishes. It’s not just habit; I’ve thought that procedure through and have reasons for each step being in the order it is. When I then have to deal with people who do not think this way, it’s not just a conflict of work styles, it’s a conflict of my very nature.

When we tell someone they need to come straight back after lunch, and they say they will, we expect them to do that. We don’t expect them to detour via a computer room for 15 minutes so they can quickly check their email, thus interrupting the work we are doing on their account which requires them to be logged off.  If they do this, and then turn up at our office complaining that their account is still broken, we are forced to tell them that we will now have to start over and that they will have to wait even longer before they can use their account.

They will grumble, blaming us for not warning them of this consequence. We will grumble because we made it perfectly clear that they needed to come to us directly and that an explicit warning should not have been necessary since they had agreed a course of action under which the problem could not occur.

In the end, neither view is right. It is simply a fundamental difference in the ways two people can think. It will always be so, and it will always be frustrating for both parties.

At least now, I’m aware of it. From this day forward, so are you.





Things not to keep on your school file server #2

27 03 2009

A downloaded recording of the Disney Channel TV movie Camp Rock.

This is a stupid thing for a student to keep under their account on the school file server. Bonus points for being a 16-year old heterosexual male and being into girly films.





Dear reprobate students

26 03 2009

Listen up, turds. When you log in to school computers, there is a message right before you enter your username and password. You know, the one you never read? Well, that message says that we might electronically monitor your session. Do you know what that means?

No, of course you don’t.

What it means is that when a member of staff calls me and asks me to find out what you’re doing on one of the loan pool laptops, I can immediately look at exactly what is on your screen and watch what you are doing in real time. This means that if you tell this member of staff you are doing revision, when what you are actually doing is looking at photos of your idiot emo ‘friends’ on Facebook or playing retarded online Flash games, I can provide screenshots to that member of staff so that they can ensure you never get to use the loan pool laptops again.

By the way, we also log every website you ever visit. Just an ‘FYI’.

Love and kisses,
AngryTechnician





Never ask me to do a survey

25 03 2009

You’ve probably noticed that I can be somewhat scathing at times, especially when it comes to companies that produce rubbish hardware, rubbish software, or both. So when they send me a customer satisfaction survey after being inevitably disappointed when calling their support line, you had better believe I do not hold back.

Adobe sent me a survey recently. Not having solved my problem ensured the feedback got off to a bad start. Not having solved the problem 6 months after being notified of the bug made things worse. Closing my original case 5 months ago after explicitly agreeing they would leave it open until a resolution was found was really just the icing on the cake.

This survey response was not a testament to their finest hour. This survey response was, in fact, a trophy sculpted from the still-steaming pile of faeces that Adobe metaphorically dumped on my desk when the Acrobat 9 install media was first delivered.

Adobe Acrobat 9 is a bug-ridden and bloated piece of software that I will never be buying again.





Day off

24 03 2009

During my day off today I had no less than four phone calls from the office, all of them from Bond. Now I know why he turns his mobile off whenever he takes a day.





6 months off for bad behaviour

23 03 2009

Our school’s IP address was recently banned from editing Wikipedia for 6 months after a spate of nonsense vandalism. This is, of course, fantastic news for me, as for the next 6 months I will be spared the joys of:

  • homophobic bullying,
  • ridiculous Austin Powers-related explanations for scientific phenomenon,
  • professions of cheese-loving,
  • entire pages replaced with the text “ngfjerkfnueioanfiuwoancvujwailcnwujeifhnwuierhhahahahahahaha”,
  • assertions that someone in Year 11 is a “monkey-fister”,
  • and historical re-writes that bring wars from the 1700s crashing into the 20th century.

I always make sure to send a personal thank-you to the admin responsible. They are always more than happy that someone from the school actually cares; apparently, most do not have such a person. My personal record is catching 9 students in a single day. It’s the little things that keep me going, sometimes.





Cheeky

20 03 2009

I had a request from a teacher this morning to increase her quota on the storage server as she had hit her limit, resulting in problems with saving new documents.

Our standard procedure when this happens is to have a quick check over what is taking up all the space to see if there is redundant data that could be removed. I found that more than half her quota was being used by a set of photos and videos from the previous year, and suggested a clear-out would solve the problem.

I then got a message in return:

“Ok, but I have a 5 period day today. Can you do anything to help very short term?”

I suggested that I could delete some of the nearly 400MB of MP3s in her ‘My Music’ folder, and assumed she would get the hint. Imagine my surprise when I instead received this utterly serious reply:

“No I need them for the school musical.”

Oh yes. Yes, I’m sure you need Shakira for the school musical. Request denied.





Lost

19 03 2009

A student walked into my office today.

“Can I do some photocopying?” he asked.

I looked at him blankly for a few seconds, searching his face for any hint in his expression that he had the first clue just how daft his question was.

“Yes,” I answered eventually, “if you can find the photocopier.”

My office isn’t very big, so it didn’t take him long to discover that he would be better off trying elsewhere.





Things not to keep on your school file server #1

18 03 2009

An 800MB collection of the first season of Thundercats.

This is a stupid thing for a student to keep under their account on the school file server. It will not only be deleted, but will also elicit from me a note to your form tutor to be read out in front of the form about what exactly we removed from your account.