Dear reprobate students

Listen up, turds. When you log in to school computers, there is a message right before you enter your username and password. You know, the one you never read? Well, that message says that we might electronically monitor your session. Do you know what that means?

No, of course you don’t.

What it means is that when a member of staff calls me and asks me to find out what you’re doing on one of the loan pool laptops, I can immediately look at exactly what is on your screen and watch what you are doing in real time. This means that if you tell this member of staff you are doing revision, when what you are actually doing is looking at photos of your idiot emo ‘friends’ on Facebook or playing retarded online Flash games, I can provide screenshots to that member of staff so that they can ensure you never get to use the loan pool laptops again.

By the way, we also log every website you ever visit. Just an ‘FYI’.

Love and kisses,
AngryTechnician

About The Angry Technician

The Angry Technician is an experienced IT professional in the UK education sector. Normally found in various states of annoyance on his blog. All views are those of his imaginary pet dog, Howard.

3 responses to “Dear reprobate students”

  1. Giles says :

    I told a class exactly this after they spent the whole lesson mucking around. Half responded with something along the lines of ‘it’s illegal to spy on us’ and the other half said they really didn’t care…

    I give up.

    My favourite section so far is the ‘Let’s solve everything with technology’…

  2. Jon says :

    In the interest of fairness does it apply to teachers. I had a headteacher complain he was not receiving emails from a friend. They were all stopped as having profanity or attachments that were iffy. So I asked him if he would like me to let them through, saying the system often stopped emails it was unsure of.

  3. AngryTechnician says :

    Our electronic monitoring procedures applies to everyone who uses a school computer, including teachers.