Voice Activated Anger
You’ve probably had to use one yourself at some point. If you haven’t, you will soon.
“Thank you for calling Mickeytakers Inc. customer support line. Please say the name of the department you wish to speak to…”
There are no numbers to press. No ‘press 1 for the Customer Dissatisfaction department’. You have to say it. At which point the computer on the other end will utterly fail to understand you.
Voice recognition is always terrible. It is especially terrible over a crackly telephone line that is almost certainly terminating on another continent. I’ve never found anyone who hasn’t been infuriated by one of these systems. Do they have so many people calling with broken fingers that simply ‘pressing 1’ is a problem?
“You said: ‘Account Enquiries’. Is this correct?”
I have a slightly deeper voice than some people, but I’m told I have a very clear accent. If these things can’t understand me, who can they understand? Normally it takes several tries before I get through to the right section.
“Please say the serial number of the product you are calling about.”
I have never, EVER, had this step process correctly. Ever.
“O – M – G – 4 – 2 – 0 – 1”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that…”
“That’s because you’re ****.”
“I’m transferring you to a customer support agent for assistance.”
I wonder how many of these systems are set up to recognise swearing as a trigger to transfer to a person?