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Like his namesake, Wallace is a pure-blooded Scot who is, to me, a champion of independence. Specifically, the independent school sector. He made his escape from state schools immediately after finishing teacher training, and is now Head of ICT in a nearby day preparatory school we provide IT support for. In just over a week, I too will join the dark side and start as network manager at a day prep of my own.

A largely calm man, he is prone to fits of anger that I fear my rants here may only have exacerbated, rather than quelled. He is also prone to sending me suggestions about IT late at night, only for me to reply with my thoughts and then never hear of again.


Overshare is the technician who shares an office with the boss.

He is widely recognised by those who know him well as the King of Overshare. No sooner is a beer down his throat than his conversation will somehow turn to some immensely personal detail you never really wanted to know about anybody.

He is generally very chilled, and wants to eventually become a Music teacher. There’s clearly something wrong with him.


Federico is one of our Modern Foreign Languages teachers.

Despite his chosen teaching specialism, he is one of the most technology literate teachers in the school, which is to him both a blessing and a curse. His willingness to help out and often act as a guinea pig when we are trying out new services or bugfixes means that he gets preferential service from us in return, but it also means he is volunteered by his department to take on almost any technical work that needs doing there. Ironically for him, we in IT Support prefer things this way, as more than one of his colleagues in MFL have been blacklisted by us in the past as breakers.

He loves choral music as well as Spain, and his most distiguishing feature is his constant immaculately combed hair. One of his former students last year even bought him a comb as a parting gift.


Princess is one of my favourite users. She is particularly adept at methods #1 and #3 of becoming a Favourite, and her quick study of these tricks shortly after she joined the staff led to me being accused at one point of giving her ‘the Royal treatment’. The fact that I was walking through a classroom with an armful of new equipment for her at the time did not help to dispel these scandalous assertions.

Princess is always inexplicably chirpy – even when suffering the intense pain of toothache that will shortly need a root canal (the large amounts of painkillers may have helped). Despite the rumours that MrsRobinson has done her best to spread, the only love we share is that of chocolate.


Pendragon is one of our IT teachers. He is (sadly) of an unusual breed of IT teachers in that he is actually quite knowledgeable about IT.

An imposing figure in his own right, he is made doubly fearsome through his choice of leisure activities. This is a man who knows how to make his own chain mail. I’ve seen some of it up close, and decided that this was someone I wanted around when the zombie apocalypse comes.


Bond is my boss and mentor; he is the network manager. He aspires to become either James Bond (“After Daniel Craig, they’ll want a more effeminate Bond,” he once told us over Martinis) or Jack Bauer (every IP phone handset in the school has the CTU ringtone as a standard option).

He does not suffer fools gladly (he only half-jokingly models his work style after the Bastard Operator from Hell) and is very good at what he does.

The day he leaves or is hit by a bus, I will likely be gone too, as there’s currently no way I could step into the job he somehow manages to do.


MrsRobinson is part teacher, part admin manager. We shared an office for nearly 3 years and have become firm friends as a result, thanks in no small part to the fact she has a somewhat salacious and wicked sense of humour. That particular trait is of course always popular amongst the younger men on the staff, and given that she has an adult child of her own, has led recently to me insinuating that she is something of a ‘Mrs Robinson’ character.

I’m quite certain she will try to strangle me once she sees it here in writing.


LadiesMan is the technician I share an office with. He’s ex-retail and ex-military, and so tolerates even less buffoonery from the students than I do. He has a reputation for liking the ladies, which isn’t entirely undeserved. He joined us just over a year ago as his first IT support job, and told me his goal a few months in was “to get all of the knowledge that’s in your head”.

I sincerely hope he doesn’t manage it, or I’m going to be in an awful lot of trouble.