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This afternoon I watched a pupil Alt+Tab between Google and Paint while he painstakingly redrew by hand a logo he had found on Google Images.

Either he’s never heard of copy & paste, or he’s taking respect for copyrighted images incredibly seriously.


I swear, when we get students who have two names that were already nigh unpronounceable to an English speaker, and the parents have combined them into a double-barrelled surname, they are just doing it to wind us up.

(And to make sure we have to make the ‘name’ box on all our MIS reports longer.)

On a related note, parents who give their children a first name that rhymes with their surname are sadists.

The Fixer

I was in our Reception classrooms earlier this week looking at an audio problem; turned out to be as simple as one of the children having sneakily switched the audio input from AUX to CD. I have yet to fathom why the morons at Promethean thought it would be a good idea to supply amplifiers for classrooms with 4 discrete inputs, but we’ve got almost a dozen of them. We had more until the capacitors started going pop.

As I was leaving, a little girl asked me “Are you a fixer?”

“Yes,” I replied. “I’m an underworld fixer.”

I’ve since been told that not all 5-year-olds understand my humour.

What’s wrong with this network port?

“We’ve plugged the laptop in,” came the call from the exam room, “but it’s not letting us log in… we think there might be something wrong with the network port though…”

Normally I try to discourage too much technical self-diagnosis from my users, but in this case, they were not wrong. See if you can determine what’s the problem is with this network port though a simple observational test:

What's wrong with this network port (apart from it being a single socket and being labelled 'RM')

Answer: click here.

Now, I’ve tried to replicate this ‘fault’ through normal use, and it’s not easy. The question is which little snotbag managed to do this in a room that is normally only used under exam conditions…


To any school bullies:

Contrary to what you may believe, the school CAN and WILL intervene in cyberbullying that takes place outside of school – just like any other kind of bullying. The law is behind us on this, so get used to it.

P.S. Your mates don’t really think it’s big or clever either, and are telling us exactly what you’re up to, so we will catch you.

To anyone being bullied:

Contrary to what the bullies would have you believe, the school CAN and WILL intervene in cyberbullying that takes place outside of school – just like any other kind of bullying. Tell your teacher. Tell any other member of staff. Get help from CEOP. They all know what to do and who you should go to.

Any school that is not prepared for the above would fail an Ofsted inspection, and is already failing its pupils. My school is not one of them.

Dear Year 7

Changing your fellow students’ desktop background to My Little Pony without their knowledge is only amusing in exactly one circumstance.

That circumstance is “when I do it.” *

If you decide to ‘borrow’ their password, log on in the Library when no-ones looking, and muck around with their account, that is what people in the real world like to call “an offence under section 1 of the Computer Misuse Act 1990”.

Stop it.

(And while you’re here, enough with the Wikipedia vandalism already.)

Love and kisses,

* as a friendly reminder when they forget to log off.


My immune system is a finely tuned machine.

Besieged by the daily onslaught of contagious children, my immune system can withstand the onslaught of any disease, fiercely holding it off until about 4pm on a Friday.

It can then, without fail, have the entire thing handily cleaned up by 9am on Monday.